Last week when I was on one of the many. many airplanes that I crisscrossed the country in, I had a conversation with a man sitting next to me.  His children were both grown, in their mid twenties, and he was lamenting the fact that neither of them had jobs, real jobs.  They were both still sort of floating through life, having graduated college, but still having no idea what to do for themselves.  he said it isn’t so much that they haven’t found their dream career yet, as it is that they are not even looking for it.

He blamed himself.  He said that when he was younger he had to work his way through college.  He had no choice but to get a job after college.  In fact, it was never even a viable option to NOT get a job.  But yet with his son and his son’s peers, not having a job is completely acceptable.  He attributes this to parents giving their kids everything resulting in a generation of kids who feel a sense of entitlement.

It was a great conversation.  It is tempting to give our kids everything, simply because we love them and want to give it all to them.  We want their lives to be easier than ours were.  But at what point does helping our kids really hinder them?

Maybe by giving our kids everything we are missing out on giving them the biggest gift of all. 

Cholesterol-lowering statin drugs, the most prescribed pills in the world, have become a family affair.

I try not to be a one of those sanctimonious parents who looks down on how other people parents their children. I have been a parent long enough to know that sometimes you do what you have to do, and that never is a REALLY long time.   I have had to eat my own words long enough to know  that they had better be sweet.

One day when we were at the baseball field, surprise there , huh?, there was a mother who was feeding her child junk food after junk food. The little girl was extremely overweight.   Not chubby, this child was obese. And yet I watched this mother, on more than one occassion, buy her daughter a never ending stream of junk food.   And even more telling to me was that the mother was overweight, but always wearing work out clothes.  So clearly this is an issue for her as well.

I didn’t judge the mother so much as I felt bad for the little girl. None of my children are overweight. And I still would never allow them to eat the amount of junkfood that I watched this child eat. Not only that but she would ask other people to buy her junk food also or ask other children for someof theircandy.

It saddens me that this child is being easily set off on the path of bad eating habits, and we know how habits are made and hard to break. It is equally sad to me that children are being placed on cholesterol lowering drugs when for the vast majority of children they probably are not necessary.  We all talk about how children don’t go out to  play any longer, how video games have replaced actual play. But what do we do about it? Even kids who are not overweight would benefit from more outside play time.

I know that people will say, well the guidelines are pretty specific regarding the prescription of these medications, but I know that doctors will start prescribing them to overweight children across the board. What about the side effects? What about the long term risks?

Are people going to begin relying on the statin drugs for their children rather than encouraging healthy diets and exercise?

I have a niece and nephew currently in college.  Do you have any idea how high tuition is at private colleges these days?  It is absurdly, frighteningly costly.   When my sister-in-law told me how  much money she was paying for their schools I may have clutched my chest and fallen over on the ground.

 Many schools are doing things to make tuition affordable to middle class families.  Harvard and Yale have both increased the assistance they give to middle class families.  This is possible in part because of their huge endowments.

But another school has a  unique approach.  Berea in Kentucky has no tuition.  The school motto is “the best education you can’t buy.”  Every single student has a 4 year tuition scholarship.  Students are required to work 10-15 hours per week doing jobs that help keep the campus running.  Food is  grown at the campus farm. Talk about instilling a strong work ethic in young adults. Working toward your own education is really a great idea.

There are income requirements in order to be accepted to the college.  In a nutshell, you have to be poor.  You also have to be smart.  Most of the students graduated within the the top 20% of their class.

I still have a few more years before my money oldest child goes off to college. I have a little while longer to keep plugging ears and singing “La la la, I can’t hear you.”

Nope, not your eyes.   It is your refrigerator.

Fridgewatcher is the newest website on which to waste your time.  If you like looking into your friend’s medicine cabinets, you will love this site.

I remember reading once that most parents  in the suburbs have the same ten items in their refrigerators.   I wonder if among those items would be: string cheese, grape jelly, American cheese, ketchup, mayonnaise, and baby carrots.   Those seem to be staples we always have on hand.  

Up until a few months ago, I really never considered gas prices as a factor in determining a vacation. Sure, when we drove toDisney World we thought about how much it would cost to drive there, but it was along the same lines as we thought of hotels along the way. A necessary expense, but not one that would stop us from doing what we wanted to do.

Now though, things are different. As the gas prices have climbed closer and closer to $5 a gallon, I weigh the cost benefits of going anywhere. Even more local places. We certainly have not gone to the museums as much this past year, since they are all over an hours drive away. In years past we would go often to take advantage of our membership, the gas prices were not a consideration.

I started wonder, however, how many local businesses are being effected by this, the smaller stores, the people who depend on vacationers coming to their towns.  It seems like a vicous cycle.

This summer we aren’t going anywhere on a family vacation. We are staying home, or having a staycation. We are going to try and visit some of the things that tourists usually do… the local mini-golf places are tops on my children’s list. Maybe even check out a travelers guide to our area and see what things it suggests.  I am trying to think of it as an adventure.

First it was all our fault when the kids were picky eaters. Now it is all our fault if they are overweight too! A new study (in rats I feel I must point out) has made this discovery:

In earlier studies, they showed that the offspring of these rats liked high-fat, high-salt, high-sugar foods better than other rats. But the new studies show that even when never fed junk food themselves, the rats whose mothers ate junk food during pregnancy grew up fatter than normal rats.

The whole study is interesting. Are we genetically predisposed to liking certain kinds of food? I love candy and other sweets, but salty sorts of junk foods do not appeal to me at all. My husband, on the other hand, does not like sweets much at all. He rarely if ever eats any of it. Something I just do no understand.

Interestingly enough, I have child who is just like him. This child prefers to snack on things like carrot sticks, apples, cheese and will often turn down offers of cookies or the like. I KNOW, who is this child?!?! I can assure you that I ate the same amount of junk food during all of my pregnancies.

You know what love is?

Buying your child, who loves board games, possibly the most boring, longest lasting, did I mention boring game in the history of all board games.  And then playing it with him.

Even though his love for board games rivals your very own hatred of them.

Even though it makes you want to give yourself a full frontal lobotomy with the nearest dull instrument.

Have you ever thought about why you do the things that you do? Turns out most of what we do is a force of habit, not us giving any concious thought to it.

Studies have revealed that as much as 45 percent of what we do every day is habitual — that is, performed almost without thinking in the same location or at the same time each day, usually because of subtle cues.

For example, the urge to check e-mail or to grab a cookie is likely a habit with a specific prompt. Researchers found that most cues fall into four broad categories: a specific location or time of day, a certain series of actions, particular moods, or the company of specific people. The e-mail urge, for instance, probably occurs after you’ve finished reading a document or completed a certain kind of task. The cookie grab probably occurs when you’re walking out of the cafeteria, or feeling sluggish or blue.

Our capacity to develop such habits is an invaluable evolutionary advantage. But when they run amok, things can become tricky.

This from a fascinating article in NYTimes about how one woman turned to advertisers to try and instill better habits in the African country she worked in. Diseases and disorders caused by dirty hands — like diarrhea — kill a child somewhere in the world about every 15 seconds, and about half those deaths could be prevented with the regular use of soap. Unfortunately where she was working, people did not use soap.

And so Dr Curtis examined what advertisers do to cue people into having better habits. And thus started a large campaign of trying to get people to associate using the restroom as something disgusting.  The campaign was two fold, the other component being the natural protective insitincts of parentswanting to protect their children from something disgusting.  By the end of the campaign the handwashing habit had increased by 41%.

How does this relate to our children?

I have read somehwere that it takes six weeks to form a habit. Six weeks of doing something consistently to make it bcome a habit.

So as we encourage our kids to remember to dotheir chores, put away theirshoes, clean up their rooms, etc, we should also remember to try and make it consistant.  If we have them do the same tasks at the same time every single day, it will become a habit. Walk in the door after school and instead of dropping their bags and shoes right in front of the door, start a new habit of walking right to the closet.

I know, easier said than done. But if it works for a woman trying to save children from preventable diseases, it surely canwork for us with our children and doing their homework.

Sara writes:

My kids are enjoying decorating their houses, but are having trouble with some parts. How do they get rid of an item if they accidentally bought it? Also, what are the “keys” for that are next to some of the items? Some items have a “price” and others have a key. I tried to click on the help button, but it wasn’t working….

Each key represents a designated amount of handipoints. To buy the keys:

1) Log in

2) Click on the Savings Goals tab on the upper right of your screen

3) This will bring up several categories of goals. Click on the keys

4) Parents are the ones who pay for these keys using the amazon check out. They are not very expensive and are used to unlock premium costumes and hidden features in HandiLand.

As far as what to do if you bought an item by mistake, I don’t think that there is a way to “unbuy” something.   Tell the kids to be careful what they click on!

My husband harbors illusions of us all going on peaceful family vacations where we relax and drink fruity drinks poolside. The kids quietly splash in the pool and play. And never complain. And never exert their own will or make their own demands. And the weather is always perfect.

Of course vacationing with a family is not at all like that.

Often the first tantrum that happens is from someone over 6 feet tall. And I am only 5′ 4″.  Ahem.

This summer my husband was talking about our vacation plans.  I latched onto the idea of a “staycation” as the kids are calling it.   The best of both worlds.  We can still stay at the house, which means the kids will sleep better, and unlike staying in hotel rooms we don’t have to go to bed when the kids do.   We can explore the area where we live and find exciting things to do that are in our own backyard.  You know how there are always things that you are meaning to do, and yet never seem to get around to it.  Well, a staycation is the perfect time.

I have a list of places nearby that we are going to explore, even if we don’t take an entire week off to do it, we can fit in some excursions here and there.

What about everyone else?  Has the rising cost of travel and gas caused you to rethink your travel plans?  Or are you going on a real vacation?